I have previously written
I think many women carry a mental load of which they are unaware. A women is generally the person who remembers all the family birthdays, is responsible for buying birthday and Christmas gifts, remembers family dentist appointments and school sporting events, creates the grocery lists, knows when school projects need to be done and what needs to be bought to complete it etc etc. Even if other people actually carry out the tasks, women often take the mental load of remembering what happens when.
This mental load, also called worry work, cognitive labour or invisible labour is often carried out by women at home. This is not the actual doing of the task, but the remembering, preparation, and reminding.
The American Sociological Review described the cognitive dimension of household labour as as the responsibility of anticipating needs, identifying options for filling them, making decisions, and monitoring progress.”
For example:
- remembering to wash the kids’ sports clothes before they need them
- making shopping lists, and buying ingredients for a birthday party or bake sale
- listing and buying all materials for school projects
- remembering birthdays, anniversaries, special days. Buying, writing, and sending cards
- making regular calls to family and friends
- organising catsitters, babysitters, and housesitters
- remembering that the family or work is running low on something and needs to restock
- reminding people of what needs to be done
- knowing where everything is, so that when someone says ‘where is my xxxx’, you can help them find it
- shopping lists
- knowing where things are
- reminding people of appointments, meetings, big events
- keeping track of important documents, and when they expire
- organising family or friend gatherings. Just pinning down a date and place is a lot of work. Without you, these meetings would fizzle out because no one else wants to do the work of organising them.
This type of work is invisible, and is often taken for granted. Unlike cooking and laundry, it is intangible. People start relying on you to know what needs to be done, and reminding them of it. I recognise this in my own life.
Even if someone else carries out all of part of the task, there is a mental load in remembering and preparing for it. I am one of those people who is seen as ‘good at remembering and organising’, although I am not. I just write things down. Even though I enjoy doing it most of the time, staying on top of several schedules can be exhausting and overwhelming when I am feeling tired.
This is primarily a gender issue in the household, but I think many people who are organised are good at this type of ‘labour’, irrespective of gender. I write down birthdays, trips, reminders and lists in my planner. This makes things easier for me, but it also makes it easier for other people to rely on me to keep track of things.
Do you think planner people are better at this type of ‘cognitive work?’
